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“Taking Responsibility” For Getting Raped

January 14, 2014

I feel sorry for Jonathan Swift. The term “satire” and specifically Swift’s “modest proposal” about eating Irish children gets pressed into service to excuse and defend more offensive nonsense than Swift could have ever predicted. But the art of satire, as Swift employed it, isn’t dead, nor even entirely lost even after being used as the dumping ground for all that sloppy rubbish.*

A Denver-area kinkster and consent activist, Coco Jones (not the radio personality) has graced us with “I’m Taking Responsibility For Getting Raped.” If you’re writing a manual on how to satirize offensive, oppressive bullshit the Swiftian way, by treating it entirely seriously within the four corners of the text and letting it hang itself, you would do well to use this as your example:

I owe everyone an apology. I never expected to write this, I was stuck in a different mindset for a long time. But I think it’s time I accept something and admit where I have gone wrong. I have been pushing away, countering, debating, and made myself an all out controversial figure in the community. And what for? This whole time I just haven’t been listening. I’ve been deflecting and refusing to take ownership for something.

It’s time for me to step up and accept what so many have been saying. I am finally going to take personal responsibility for getting raped. Yep, you heard me. No more of this, ‘stop victim blaming’. I have gotten the message loud and clear. You are right. I did this. You finally broke through to me.

So, this is how I got myself raped and how I will be at fault for a future rape, or perhaps a mere consent violation, should it occur.

     *     *     *

3. I let people in my life. I have relationships and friendships. I allow them in my home, I eat food they prepare for me without watching them cook it. I open the door when I am alone. I leave the house by myself to meet them places. I even let my partner tie me up and believe he won’t rape me on MERE TRUST.

     *     *     *

5. I dress like a fucking slut. No, really. I wear clothes that touch my body. I have hair. Sometimes it is up, sometimes I wear it down. I accentuate my eyes and lips with make-up. I go out in the world like this. Regularly.

6. My reflexes are not cat-like. If you throw something at me, it will hit me. I will not deflect it with a sudden, practiced movement. Things can catch my by surprise and I am not always ready for them. I should be sharpening my instincts daily. Instead I forget to because I’m usually doing something less important.

So, as you can see I let myself become a victim. I opened the floodgates and brought this on myself. I am glad that so many people refused to give up on me. I kept saying over and over how we need to stand up against perpetrators without realizing they have absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! This isn’t about a ‘consent violator’ or a ‘rapist’. No, this is about taking responsibility for myself. I got myself raped!

Quoting this in bits will not do it justice, it is worth a read in full.  In addition, Coco Jones has other writings about consent and kinky communities that will likely appeal to the readership here:  go for the grimly humorous activist piece, stay for the humorously grim activist pieces, read the whole thing.

*Hugh MacDiarmid reference. Go fish, poetry people.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. georgia permalink
    January 15, 2014 3:08 pm

    This is brilliant!

    In fact, after I let myself get raped, I complained to the rapist (as if it were his fault), and he responded with comments such as: “Well, you knew what was going on” and “You were going to lose your virginity some day anyhow”.

    And it made me ponder …. Is he right? … Did I foresee his plan, or should I have?

    NO! Innocence cannot recognize evil.

    Thanks for another jewel, Thomas.

  2. Lillian permalink
    January 17, 2014 8:33 pm

    Wait a second! Rape jokes are bad but this ‘satire’ is acceptable? ok? applauded?! Is this kind of crap really going to get us anywhere we aren’t already at: Being mocked & further ignored by those who choose not to believe, hear or even listen to us.
    Sorry, I cant support this post. I get that the author is in pain and sick of hearing the same thing we are up against every day but, this wont get us anywhere. If anything I may use the post to show my community of activists of what NOT to say to get people to hear us out. Its tough enough already, we don’t need to dig our own holes deeper than they’ve already been dug out for us.

    • georgia permalink
      January 18, 2014 3:51 pm

      I disagree. The post is outlandishly satirical and should be cited whenever the circumstances dictate! For instance, I used to get comments such as:

      Could you have done something to lead him on?
      Why didn’t you tell anyone?
      This wasn’t your first date with him, why didn’t you see it coming?
      Why didn’t you see a doctor?
      (In otherwords, why should we believe you?)

      The post offers a delicious way for victims to thwart stupid questions/comments directed towards them. Very thought provoking for those guilty of putting the victim on the defensive, whether intended or not.

  3. January 21, 2014 8:22 am

    Thanks Thomas,
    I’m with georgia, I have been in the advocate/activist business a long time after being a victim/survivor myself. I have stood in front of many a local, state, and federal leaders with the same attitude/voice.

    Back in March 2012 when complaints were coming out that women’s medical costs were more expensive than men’s, I did a piece called “America’s Inherent Maleness”. I was a little b**chy…satirical..

    But sometimes you need to use a very large WHACK to get a point across to small minds.

  4. January 21, 2014 5:37 pm

    Reblogged this on Ardentmeld's Blog and commented:
    I apologize also.. for both of mine…

  5. January 21, 2014 5:38 pm

    i reblogged it i liked it so much


  1. “Taking Responsibility” For Getting Raped | Florida Lost Slave
  2. Assorted sexism-related links | Fraser Sherman's Blog
  3. Sunday feminist roundup (19th January 2014) | feimineach

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