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BDSM Workshop Bingo

May 19, 2011
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I’m boosting Maymay’s signal on this, because I LOLed, and because it’s true enough to boost his signal on, IMO.  There are things here I can’t entirely adopt — notably the phrase “female-bodied person” since I’m not sure that phrase is useful — and some I just don’t much care about, like shameless plugs and unrelated stories about the presenter’s play.  But a lot of this is the stuff I complain about.  What I’ve gotten from the big Domism post is that the things Maymay and I complain about and that Newmahr and Weiss observed are not everyone’s experience, even within the limited confines of the public scenes described therein — good! Glad to hear it! — but also that they are a lot of folks’ experiences.  If talking about these issues makes them go away, that’s a perfect reason to do it.

For any folks who want or need the text in the squares separately, they are under the cut.

Remember, it’s not about sex!

Presenter shares unrelated story about their play

Shameless plug time!

As a dom, I know what you need even though we’ve just met

Bottoms can’t control anything about the sensation they feel

BDSM is better/ more evolved than vanilla sex

Playing privately doesn’t count

You’re not a ‘true’ submissive/dominant if you don’t do x

Presenter is showing off to a captive audience

Tying up women is a lot more fun than tying up men

I’ve beeen doing BDSM longer than you’ve been alive so I know better

Your inexpensive toy is ‘not a real’ cane/whip/flogger

Free Space

I don’t do brutal/pretty/insert-style-here

I have cred because I learned from Insert-Name-Drop

Demo model is a female-bodied person

Novices can’t possibly teach one another

Risky demo followed by insincere safety talk

There’s no such thing as a switch

Men and women don’t want to play the same way because of the way they’re biologically wired

Bottoms can’t explain how to top in a paired activity

Women who say they’re dominant just haven’t met a dominant enough guy yet

Presenter identifies as a top/dominant

Overhyped seriousness; ‘these are weapons, not toys’

Any alternative viewpoints are worse than mine

16 Comments leave one →
  1. lalouve permalink
    May 19, 2011 9:28 am

    Actually, I am getting very tired of so many of the submissives shown in places like posters for club evenings, toy shops, web pages etc being female-bodied (which is, to me, a useful concept since it implies nothing about how the person in question self-identifies, but instead focuses on how they are bodied and/or perceived), so yes, that is a major point for me. I no longer shop in or attend places that do this.

  2. Ros permalink
    May 19, 2011 9:35 am

    Oh, man, this. ALL of this. I’ve heard them all, on-line and in-person (and someone having the guts to tell me some of this to my face is still astounding, but wevs).

    The one that keeps getting to me, though, is the “private play doesn’t count”. It’s so… creepy? For me, BDSM is pretty intertwined with how I live my sex life (as in, I can have sex with and without kink, but kink is a turn-on, and tends to happen with some form of sex). I’ll go to public events that are dress-up focused (for example, a masked ball is just FUN, especially with friends!), but I’m not an exhibitionist, at all, and the idea of playing in front of people who are watching is just seriously creepy to me. Really, really creepy. And being told that I “have to” is like… hells, no. Get away fro me.

  3. Matthew Brown permalink
    May 20, 2011 8:08 pm

    Ugh, and I have heard most of these. In general, “There’s only one way to do kink, and it’s my way” pushes some big buttons on me.

  4. May 21, 2011 6:53 pm

    Thanks for the signal boost, Thomas. I should probably mention that since posting this the other day, I’ve also added it to my maybemaimed.com playground where I’m hosting a web application that will randomize the board for you so you can print out more than one and play with your friends or in groups.🙂

    I’ve also been taking suggestions for more squares to add to the board. If anyone’s got any, just leave them in the comments on any of the places where I’ve posted or commented about it (this thread works, too), and I’ll be happy to consider adding them to my little BDSM Bingo app.

  5. May 31, 2011 1:46 pm

    May, you get valuable brownie points for adding a randomizer. 🙂

    Yeah, been busy with the move and missed this when it was posted but dear lord have I heard just about every one of these and I’m not even in the scene in any kind of non-trivial way.

  6. May 31, 2011 1:47 pm

    Matthew, I specifically used to refer to those people as “Kink Evangelists” – the ones who will tell you all about its superiority and open-mindedness, and then the moment you said a damn thing they disagreed with would make it clear that their way was the only way and you were closed-minded, repressed, damaged, or otherwise for not seeing it.

  7. Jackie permalink
    June 13, 2011 1:33 pm

    Take it from someone to whom it applies… “female-bodied person” is a VERY useful phrase.

    If you don’t want to “adopt” it (whatever that means) then please — please — at least don’t denigrate it. And in case you couldn’t tell, your wording above did denigrate the phrase “female-bodied person” whether that was your intention or not.

    • June 14, 2011 6:27 am

      Take it from someone to whom it applies… “female-bodied person” is a VERY useful phrase.

      I know it’s not your job to educate me, Jackie, but if you could link me to a resource that discusses this particular phraseology, I’d be greatly appreciative. I recently changed this to “female-assigned” at the behest of some trans folks who suggested I make the change, but I’d like to learn more about the debates regarding this terminology.

      Thanks!!

      • October 27, 2011 3:05 pm

        MayMay,

        “Female assigned?” Really? So you see a lot of demo bottoms who are hairy trans men then?

        Just say female for fuck’s sake because that’s what the majority of demo bottoms are in classes taught by dominant straight males. Female. Women.

  8. jas permalink
    June 14, 2011 6:40 am

    i’ve heard atleast 15 of these in person from my (thankfully) ex-Dom *facepalm*

  9. October 27, 2011 3:04 pm

    Female-bodied is not an OK phrase. At all. It DOES in fact say something about how a person identifies. Female identified people have female bodies. Male identified people have male bodies. Period. Anything else based on tits or chromosomes or genitals or whatever is pure cissexism.MayMay needs to cut that shit out. For ever.

    • October 27, 2011 4:22 pm

      Hi Asher:

      Female-bodied is not an OK phrase. At all.

      As I see you’ve noticed, I changed that to “female-assigned” at the suggestion of some trans people at the Transmission party I attended months ago.

      Thanks for the prodding to update this again, and for keeping me informed. I just changed it to “female-identified”. Is that okay? Reload the live BDSM Workshop Bingo board a few times and you’ll soon see that particular square.

      Also, I hope you save some of your ire to direct at those whose minds and ears are closed rather than those whose aren’t. I think your energy is a gift to us all, especially when you use to strike at the root of issues, instead of their branches. I hope you do more root-striking in the future.🙂

      Thanks again.

      • October 28, 2011 1:49 pm

        Maymay,

        Your last full paragraph boils down to “don’t call out failings in allies– there are actual enemies to be angry at.” That’s a bingo square all its own.

        I know that’s not what you intended to say, but there’s no two ways around the fact that it is what you said. Was there any real reason to write it at all? Do you think Asher doesn’t know how to shepherd his own energy?

        Intersection and degreeism make activist alliance an inevitably spiky affair. We all fuck up regularly. We all need to apologize regularly. May I suggest you leave off your next apology once you’re done apologizing? It always works out better.

  10. October 28, 2011 2:05 pm

    Try reading the prior conversations Asher and I have had by following the links in my comment, D. You might even see plenty of apologies if you do, in fact, read through them. Here’s the most relevant one again, more obvious this time in case you don’t notice it: http://maybemaimed.com/2011/06/07/the-bus-driver-and-the-gadfly-what-my-activism-looks-like-at-bdsm-parties/#comment-169144

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