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Typology of Apology

November 1, 2010

Holly Pervocracy is usually really good and sometimes just downright brilliant, and I can’t improve on this. I just want to make sure it gets to every possible eyeball in the universe:

Mr. What About The Men
“The real problem here is all these false rape accusations that are destroying our society! 90 million men are falsely accused of rape every second! A woman just has to sort of mumble a word starting with ‘r’ and a man instantly gets a life sentence! There are no instances on record of a woman actually being raped!”

Ms. Tough Girl
“If women would learn martial arts–70-year-olds and women with disabilities can do this if they put their minds to it, darnit–and carry weapons everywhere, no one would ever get raped! All you have to do is be ready to threaten your own friends and lovers with lethal force at any moment, any anyone who can’t do that must be weak or something.”

Mr. Model Victims Only Please
“The victim was no angel herself. If you look at her record, she’s been arrested several times, she’s a single mother, and she’s living on welfare. So it’s not like she was some innocent little virgin beforehand. None of this makes it right, but I’m just saying, let’s not overreact like a good woman got ruined.”

Ms. Fashion Police
“Did you hear what she was wearing? I’m sorry but that’s just not common sense. If you go out looking like a piece of meat, you have to expect you’ll get treated like a piece of meat.”

Mr. I’m Not Blaming Her But It’s Her Fault
“Rape is never the victim’s fault, of course. But I just want people to admit that she has some responsibility. That she maybe played a part in it. That in an alternate universe where she’d done things differently and she lived in a steel Battlemech wearing a chastity belt, she wouldn’t have gotten raped, and she did make the choice to not use a Battlemech. I just need people to acknowledge that.”

Ms. Couples Therapy
“I dunno, seems to me like they both made mistakes. Maybe he just wasn’t reading her signals, or maybe she wasn’t communicating clearly to him. A lot can get caught up in an emotional moment like that and I bet they both feel really bad right now.”

Mr. Offensive And/Or Baffling Metaphor
“Look, if you walk down a dark alley with a wallet stuffed full of money, sure it’s still a crime when you get mugged, but what if the mugger is just trying to feed his family because he was laid off by an evil solicitor and the ghost showed him a lone crutch leaning in the corner?”

“If you put the pieces together, her story just doesn’t wash. She claims that he ripped her pants off, but her pants have a button fly. Ha! And she waited a whole forty minutes after the supposed rape to call the police–who would do that?”

Mr. Troll
“lol bitch deserved it loooollll”

Ms. You Don’t Just Get To Decide Whether You Consent
“She was seen earlier in the night drinking with this guy, talking to him, and even making out with him! And then she went up to his apartment! What did she think would happen? No one ever goes to a guy’s apartment unless they’re consenting to every sex act he could possibly want.”

Mr. How Do I Not Rape Someone It Is So Difficult
“I just don’t understand how to tell if someone is ‘consenting’ or not. What if she secretly decides she doesn’t like it–am I a rapist then? What if she changes her mind midway through? Or afterwards? It’s impossible to know what women want, so how am I supposed to know if they want to have sex with me or not?”

Ms. Traditional Values
“You know, back when women dressed modestly and simply didn’t go out drinking with strangers or going home with people they’d just met, this sort of thing didn’t happen.”

Mr. This Wouldn’t Happen If Women Would Just Fuck Me Already
“This sort of thing is inevitable when women constantly act as gatekeepers and doom beta males to a life of frustration and loneliness. Of course rape is horrible, but the pent-up rage felt by men cast aside just because they weren’t billionaire underwear models has to express itself somehow.”

Ms. Avoid The R-Word
“Wow, that is just not cool. Having sex under those circumstances–I mean, treating a girl like that–you know, being inappropriate with her–is a totally insensitive and downright mean thing to do.”

16 Comments leave one →
  1. November 1, 2010 11:47 am

    This hurts my brain, because I have talked to ALL OF THOSE PEOPLE.

    Sometimes I think the only answer is to nuke the planet from space, it’s the only way to be sure. And depending on how recently I’ve talked to one or more of those people, I may or may not care that it would take me out too.

    • November 1, 2010 1:24 pm

      That’s “nuke it from orbit.” (Why, yes, I can name the other two women Colonial Marines besides Vasquez in the film.)

      • SisterCoyote permalink
        November 1, 2010 1:55 pm

        I bow to your superior geekiness, Mr. Thomas…because I only remembered one.

        (And one of the two female Umbrella Corporation soldiers in the first Resident Evil was named only “medic”)

  2. November 1, 2010 12:24 pm

    Agreed that this post is excellent.

  3. November 1, 2010 2:00 pm

    I don’t generally display pro-level geekitude. I don’t, for example, have a Nightcrawler tattoo or anything. But Vasquez, Ferro and Deitrich came along at just the right time for an impressionable boy and left a permanent kink.

    • November 3, 2010 11:51 am

      Heh. I had a HUGE crush on Vasquez. Still do. I love butch women.

    • November 3, 2010 4:04 pm

      I love Ferro so much! Especially the fact that on her helmet it says “We Fly Friendly”. She’s piloting a combat drop ship (“the express elevator to hell – going down!”) for pity’s sake. Flying friendly, indeed. I love her.

      Vasquez is über-badass, though.

  4. November 1, 2010 3:16 pm

    “Look, if you walk down a dark alley with a wallet stuffed full of money, sure it’s still a crime when you get mugged, but what if the mugger is just trying to feed his family because he was laid off by an evil solicitor and the ghost showed him a lone crutch leaning in the corner?”

    I love this one so much. I mean, it’s as horrible a response as any others- but I just love the “do you have ANY idea what we’re actually talking about?”. It reminds me of America’s lines in this:

  5. November 1, 2010 8:02 pm

    “I just want to make sure it gets to every possible eyeball in the universe”

    While I get where you’re coming from, in reality snarky stuff like this does little other than incite polarization. For the crowd that already agrees, this is a great vent and can be very vindicating. For the crowd that doesn’t already agree, it’s likely to harm the cause rather than help. Ditto with “Derailing for Dummies”, for example. And most other snarky social justice writing.

    That said, this is pretty great. I just disagree that “every possible eyeball in the universe” should see this. 😉

    • November 1, 2010 9:26 pm

      Actually it’s good for another thing- it puts things into words. Derailing for dummies is great because it puts into words just why those tactics are so busted. This lays out how ridiculous some of the most common rape apology tactics are. Some people are too close-minded to listen no matter what you say, but some people will read this, see it put into words and go “oh, now I get it”.

    • marissa permalink
      November 2, 2010 1:21 pm

      “For the crowd that doesn’t already agree, it’s likely to harm the cause rather than help”

      And not saying something IS helping how? So for these special individuals both incapable of understanding rape as well as being too “fragile” to be told they’re just wrong… what are we supposed to do? Because dancing around the issue and babying them hasn’t seemed to work so far. 😦

      Quite frankly, I don’t particularly care if “those types” don’t like reading curt summaries of their positions, sometimes people just need to be told they’re wrong.

    • November 3, 2010 11:53 am

      Just once I’d like to NOT hear the “tone argument” when asshats get called out for being asshats. As Marissa said, being “nice” has done exactly jack shit. It’s time to quit babying the scum.

    • Meshell permalink
      November 4, 2010 9:23 am

      Satire is fairly thought provoking. The absurdity of each argument from the archetypes can be found in most individuals. I enjoyed this article because it highlights some of my older thought patterns — not in the exact wording, but enough that I recognized. Assuming people are unable to appreciate and understand the implication from satire isn’t providing room for those who quickly identify with any aspect of this article and grow from it. Besides, humor reaches deep and each character was incredulously real (as Geekgirl pointed out).

      I am definitely passing this on. Not everyone who is intelligent and compassionate realizes how deep rape culture pervades our being.

  6. November 2, 2010 10:22 pm

    I,m both amused and depressed by this because there,s a lot of people out there who actually think like this. And they,re not the extreme minority either. -sighs-

  7. InsomniaQueen permalink
    November 4, 2010 3:56 pm

    Hey kids! How many examples can YOU find in the comments on this article?

    bleh…. -_-


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