Some time ago, I wrote about virginity (which is a meaningless concept with no value) and about the premium placed on it, something I discussed in Towards A Performance Model of Sex, in Yes Means Yes. Jessica Valenti also discusses it in detail in Purity Myth. However, neither of us spent much time with the reverse dynamic: how the culture treats women as abnormal if they don’t fall in line with the compulsory sexuality as expected. Some folks have raised that issue in response to things I’ve written in the past, though I can’t find the references now, and then recently Salome wrote eloquently about it in comments here.
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Archive for the Uncategorized Category
Couldn’t Give It Away
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Sex Negativity on November 20, 2009 by ThomasTMI
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Sex Positivity on November 11, 2009 by ThomasI’m about to overshare personal information:
I have a deep affection for the furniture of the Arts and Crafts movement, particularly Charles Rennie Mackintosh. Also, Harry Chapin. My father loved his music, and I can probably still sing every track on Greatest Stories Live.
But that’s not what we mean when we say “TMI,” is it? Read more »
I Don’t Talk About Topping Much
Posted in Uncategorized with tags BDSM, Sex Positivity on November 6, 2009 by ThomasPartly, that’s because while in practice I switch, I identify more as a bottom. Partly, it’s because, even writing pseudonymously, my spouse prefers that I not talk about what I do with her as a top. What I do as a bottom is personal to me, and I can talk about it as I see fit; what she does as a bottom is personal to her, and she doesn’t want to see the details in the blogosphere.
People who top in various aspects of BDSM play do so for a variety of reasons, and I’m not going to attempt a typology of topping. Since our experiences are highly individualized, it’s tough to say much more than, “this is what I do, this is how I feel about it.” And my freedom to do that is limited, so I tend instead to talk about my experiences bottoming.
I did, however, run across someone saying a lot of things about topping that resonated with me, and that I will share for that reason. Read more »
Reductio
Posted in Uncategorized with tags feminism, Sex Discrimination, Theory on November 3, 2009 by ThomasLauren reviewed this survey and said:
Because mothers are more than their children or grocery shopping habits, I’d imagine they tend to check their email, conduct business, and make phone calls too. Was that on the survey?
The answer is that it isn’t. That’s what this culture does to women. It reduces them to component parts, pidgeon-holes them and refuses to recognize or respect the whole woman.
Boundaries
Posted in Uncategorized with tags rape, sexual assault, Theory on October 12, 2009 by ThomasI said in the Shroedinger’s Rapist post that it was part of a larger idea and might be Part I of two. Here’s Part II.
It’s all about boundaries. The Shapely Prose post started with a discussion of women’s fear of rape, and moved from there to public spaces, interruption, intrusion and boundaries. My post focused on public transit as a particular case of public spaces, and staked out the position that bothering a woman whose activities and body language are not inviting interaction is a violation of her boundaries. I’m saddened to see pushback on that.
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Shroedinger’s Rapist And The Imagined Right To Intrude
Posted in Uncategorized with tags rape, sexual assault, Theory on October 9, 2009 by ThomasThis may be Part I, because there’s more to this than I have time to flesh out right now.
[Added: Part II is Boundaries.]
First of all, this is full of win. Phaedra Starling guest-posted it over at Shapely Prose, and I just can’t say enough about it.
For the cis- het- men out there, I want to talk about what she says about approaching strange women: Read more »
Everyone’s Fault
Posted in fight the power with tags Polanski, rape, sexual assault on October 3, 2009 by ThomasThe Polanski arrest has everyone talking, and Lauren has again revisited her personal story, which can’t be easy.
Lauren’s a friend, and I’ll say publicly what I’ve said privately before. Read more »
Rihanna’s Choice
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Domestic Violence, Rihanna on October 2, 2009 by Thomas
Rihanna, choosing how we see her.
There is an image of Rihanna seared into the public mind — not the one above. That image is of a young woman swollen and bruised by Chris Brown’s fists, and she has become synonymous with domestic violence. We’ve discussed this.
We don’t know, really, what she lost that day. Read more »

